Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
