I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
