Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
