I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
