It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
