Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
i came on her dog
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
