im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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