Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Just high enough for therapy.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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