So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
