swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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