just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
