My friends, they love my intelligence
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
