i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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