she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
