i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Randomize
