I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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