Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
