Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I could fuck to npr.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
