I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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