new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
