Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
