Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
