I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
