he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
