it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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