I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
