The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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