how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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