This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
