I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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