just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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