I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Randomize
