I think my fart just growled at me.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
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