Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
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