when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
