Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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