I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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