I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
