May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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