five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
