I am puke
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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