if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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