he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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