Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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