No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
