Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
