I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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