he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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