You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
