Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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